Should have been a yes man

I don’t say yes anymore, I just say maybe.

Like maybe I am crazy. Maybe I do hate you. Maybe those are my drugs, and maybe I did take some.

Or maybe I’ll come out tonight. Maybe I’ll see you later. Maybe I’ll give you a call sometime. Maybe I do like you.

It’s an impractical way to live. People say

“Do you want some of this?”

and I say “maybe”

and they say “well which is it? Yes or no”

so I say “well it’s not no”

so they say “so it’s yes then”

so I say “maybe”

Then usually the violence starts.

And then the police come. And the paramedics.

“Can you hear me?”

“Maybe”

“Do you know what year it is?”

“Maybe”

“Are these your drugs”

“Maybe”

“Do you understand your rights as I have read them to you?”

“Maybe”

Then contempt of court. Then jail.

Then maybe just maybe, when I get out, I can have some of whatever I was offered which caused all this trouble in the first place. Maybe.

A Fools Game

I played poker last night again and after 6 hours of intensity, I came second. Second! It’s a shame it wasn’t for money otherwise…. well I still would have gone home broke I suppose. But then at least when I told other people of my first loser status, I would have been able to embellish with the amount of money which I almost won. Maybe even I would have been able to talk about what I would have done with the money. Probably something concerned the eating of some sorta pie.

But pie’s aside, gambling really is fun. I mean in Australia they have a cuss word for a non-gambler as 70% of the population gamble regularly. That’s a fucking lot of aussies ready to kick the crap out of you for using their fruit machine when they’ve just gone to get some change.

So a life of chance it is for me then. I’m going to spend all my spare time gambling on the internet and seeing what comes of it. I made $3,600 into $3,600,000 on GTA on my x-box so clearly I have the gene. If I just give it 10 hours a day everyday then I’ll be rich within the month.

Although I suppose 10 hours a day is longer than a working day. It hardly seems worth it in terms of sleep…

I'm not growing up, I'm just burning out

So it’s the middle of Earth’s lifespan. That’s what I heard on TV today. 5 billion years gone, 5 billion to go. Somehow that makes a lot of sense to me.

We are all like Earth’s midlife crisis. Half way through sitting around, just being a big ball of mud, it thought

“Shit! I have to do something with my life. I've been wasting away just staring at the sun for too fucking long. I know, I’m gonna create life. Millions of types of life. And they're gonna be all interesting and pretty and clever and stuff. Yeah.”. And so here we are. Living away and fucking up this ball of mud. It doesn’t notice anyway. It’s too busy checkin out mars’ butt.

So what’s my point? I feel old I guess. I’ve said it many many times, but this last week I was working on a TV film set and I really noticed it more. All the people at an equivalent level of employment were years younger than me. All the actors were younger than me. Even the lady who owned the club we filmed in was younger than me. Doh. Maybe it’s time to grow up hey.

But probably not. What do you call an African American flying a plane?

A pilot you stupid racist.

I got that directly from the OC. Maybe I’m not as old as I look. Or maybe I’ve just got bad taste in TV. Hmm. Whatever. At least I’m not younger than I look. Being young sucked. I just remember all those sweeties to buy, and no money.

Crumbling into the ashtray

So there I was. Fucked off my nuts in a penthouse in Putney playing poker and winning. And spinning around on my chair as the room gets smokier and smokier. Pretty soon I start asking myself “How the fuck am I winning?”

I clearly have no idea, so I begin asking other people. Seems they don’t know either. But now they’ve all spotted that I’m wrecked, it becomes unlikely that I’ll be winning for long. Because then of course my next move did have to be the only thing that I never do, and that’s bluff. But when you’re in my state, you don’t exactly bluff, you kinda just give your money away. As I was thinking “Now these guys think I’m wrecked so I can do clever stuff and they’ll never guess it was intentional!” But of course I was discounting the fact I really was wrecked. So one ‘all in –> me out’ later, I started making like a ringmaster.

Now rolling takes me a really long time, so if I really was making like a ringmaster, the lions would have eaten me a long time ago for wasting their time. But anyway, while I was doing that, smoke was flying everywhere, so I continuously had to switch between multi-tasking rolling and dealing poker, and smoking and dealing poker. The thing is, I’ve never really had much of an attention span. Remembering what I’m doing one minute to the next seems like a novel waste of brain power to me, so of course eventually, I found myself crumbling straight into the ashtray. ‘Son of a bitch’ I thought, ‘Seems like such a waste’. Yet in the state I was in, the profound logic of what I was doing kept me doing it for a second longer.

The moral of the story is this: people aren’t gonna necessarily scream “stop you idiot” to stop you when you’re wasting an opportunity.