A montage of the gibberish you missed while I was away...

Three minutes into eating the cheeseburger, I didn’t like it. How did I know it was three minutes in? Because the cheeseburger had a stopwatch in it, and I bit that fucker right on time. 

Elsewhere two peacocks argue over the rights to an ice cream truck, which both claim they have bought at an auction. “Fancy you buying an Ice-cream truck at auction on the same day as me and not telling me about it. What a coincidence!” Chernobyl the peacock says. “Fuck you Kaleido-dope, we’ll see who owns that thing, we’ll both call it and see who it comes to” replies the ugly one.

Before I thought of circles, I thought of triangles. So did everyone. But what was the question? It was simple: where do you go from squares? 

Somedays I think about finding a pot of gold, and what I would do with all those bucks. Mostly I consider the magical mystery foods I would eat, or the insanely cute and numerous pets I could buy. But then I realise that I could have these things now, if I really tried, so why do I need to look for more pot?

Sarah Palin is to the Whitehouse, what a glass of white wine is to drinking. It’s like you’re walking down the street with your buddy, who’s dressed in a nice suit and is kind of a city boy and a bit of a prick, but who’s kinda charming so you like him anyway. So you’re walking down the street with him, having a conversation you’re slightly uncomfortable with, but you go along with coz of the nature of your  friendship, when suddenly he starts hitting you in the face with his italian leather briefcase for no reason at all. It’s a nice suitcase so it’s a flat and padded, so just kinda gives you a headache rather than hurting you, and for some reason due to this, you keep walking and talking with your “buddy”.