What goes on tour, stays on tour

A few months ago, James came up to me and said “So man, you still up for that lads night out then?” and I was like “What lads night out?” And he said “On the 2^nd of September we’re having a lads night out. We’ve never had one before. Come on, it’ll be a laugh”. Of course I was up for it, but at the same time immediately suspicious, as I had heard nothing of this before that moment, and because it was so far in the future it felt like something must have been being planned. And of course because prankster Whiteboy was saying it to me.

Then a couple of weeks ago, a very drunken Nick let slip that it was going to be my stag do, and that I was supposed to be marrying “some chick named Belinda”. After we had had the “but Belinda’s my sister you sick fuck” conversation, I started to get worried. Even more so when it turned out to be true by all accounts. We were gonna have my stag do, even though I wasn’t getting married. A day that I had always feared coming of it’s own accord and for no reason. Oh shit.

I kept on whining to Kathy about it. I was afraid what they might do to me. That if they had just planned a day to pick on me, that was tantamount to bullying wasn’t it? She said “If you are so worried about it, then why don’t you just not go”.

Once when I was out of my mind many years ago, I came home at like 6 am and thought all I wanted to do was to watch cartoons. But it was fucking early and I didn’t want to wake anyone up, so I put the subtitles on and the volume down. It was some action cartoon or another, but I remember clearly the subtitles getting stuck after a while, but I kept watching for hours anyway. The thing is the subtitles got stuck on the line “What’s the point in a booby trap if you don’t set it off”. And to me at that time, that was the most profound thing I had ever heard.

And that’s why I had to go despite my massively unjustified fears. And it was a great day. Oh yes.