It’s not a sport unless you need a cigarette afterwards

So over two months has passed now and I think the dust has finally settled enough to talk about the events which occurred in London in July this year. And no I’m not talking about the “Terrorist outrages” as they are so called (which is a pretty stupid name really as I have been outraged many times, yet never enough to blow myself up, but I suppose that’s besides the point). What I am here to put to rest is the issue of the Olympics which my fair city has won for the year 2012. Now I know the fucked up events following the announcement of the Olympic bid kinda took the joy out of it for everyone, but can I just ask, where was that joy really coming from anyway?

I mean, fuck loads of people were celebrating in the streets the fact that in 7 fucking years some sporting event is going to happen here. I mean, I like monging out and watching exceptionally strong and fast and whatnot people competing with each other as much as the next guy, but why the hell would I want it going on in my city? Like most other people, if they were truly honest with themselves, I will be sitting on my ass in my living room watching the bits of the Olympics which have any interest, no matter where in the world they are held.

I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we beat Paris to it and all, as a new round of healthy French bashing is always amusing, but couldn’t New York or that Russian hell hole (no offence comrades) have won it? I don’t want to be getting the tube every morning and be brushing up against an excessive amount of sweaty jocks in lycra on the way to their event. I mean in theory they should all be running to “work” but the theory never works, especially considering that athletes are just stoners in disguise.

See I read once somewhere that doing exercise causes a release of the same pleasurable drugs into your brain as getting high does. So really all of those health freaks out there who are slowly by slowly getting smoking banned in all public places ,are just fucking themselves up in a different way. Those cheeky, hypocritical, self righteous motherfuckers.

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, the Olympics. So as well as the tube being filled with sweaty meatheads, I’m also going to have to pay extra bus fair and shit to pay for the privilege of having the Olympics in my city. And I’m going to have to listen to any old dickhead spout some half assed opinion on the sports person of the moment at random continuously for like a year before and a year after. And I’m gonna become one of those dickheads and suddenly find myself having an opinion on the 9000 metres hurdles or similar.

So where in fact is this joy about ‘our’ winning coming from? I know it will improve England’s sporting ability for generations to come, but considering it’s the sporty bastards who rob kids at school for their lunch money, I don’t think it’s that great an idea to encourage them. I mean, I could eat a lot of lunch for the amount the Olympics is costing. Damn Tony Blair. Never taking my needs into consideration.

PS in the second paragraph where it says “interest” in the last sentence, instead read “bikinis”.